The time is seven o’clock. Today is the 24th of November 2004, I gently walked towards the Library to research some topics and uh! My tummy, they seem to be churning and turning. I quickly rushed to the Can to relieve my bowels of all these toxic waste and I just couldn’t believe my eyes. The whole walls was covered by graffiti, this is my second time.

My first time of seeing graffiti was when I entered the senior secondary school. I never paid attention to them anytime I entered the can so I didn’t know how topical it could be. Some writers say the number of graffiti found on the walls of a country determines the level of literacy that country has reached. If this is true, then I guess what I saw reallyon the walls pushes us to a certain level of literacy.

Just to chip in a joke, my name is Dodzi, a student of the University I call “UNIVERSITY OF GRAFFITI”. You are warmly welcome if you would like to be my reader. In fact, what I saw in the can is what I would describe as a mess of all kinds of hand writings finding their way to expressing themselves on the piteous walls of the Balme Library.

In my quest and curiosity to find what those graffiti meant, I realised more than a dozen of topical issues on the wall. Some words found their ways into other letters making the species of alphabets useless. I found topics on sex, politics, advice, insults, bravery, emotions, psychology, spirituality, finance, economics, history, the list goes on and on.

As I sat on that clean loo, squeezing out all the toxic waste, my eyes settled on a modern topic that not too many people talk about but really a booming practice among males and females alike. Written in blue ink at the far edge of the wall was

“Advice me, I masturbate everyday”

What! Everyday? Are you a…, I couldn’t exhaust my words and lo and behold, I saw a polite answer scribbled at the right side of that inscription

No more masturbation, go and marry

That’s nice, but read what I saw at the left side of that statement

Bravo, research has shown that masturbating everyday relieves you of constipation. Carry on corporal

Isn’t that a devilish answer? No wonder it was written at the left side of that statement. Ah well, lets continue. As I continued making those funny noises of easiness, my eyes once again caught a statement written by a young man that read:

I love older women

And somebody quickly answered:

Nonsense

Well answered, isn’t it? What about this funny statement:

God have mercy on women, for they are as cheap as sugar

Then the reply:

Who told you sugar is cheap?

This is really interactive, but take a glimpse at another stupid writing by a so-called student of a University:

Lovers of vagina club, please write your name:

Thinking that, some sensible people would frown on such an “advertisement”, some senseless students wrote their names in the column created for writing names to join that club. Look at some of them:

Satan, Demons, Osama, Sodom, Asasu

Except Asasu, all those names were bogus. Hey! Somebody, a gay, decided to leave his particulars

Looking for gay, call 0243498928

This reminds me of the end times. Men are now dating men and sexually exploring their humanistic fantasies. Well, well, well, as if I’m aware of a pastoral crusade on the wall, I turned to find the writing

Seek ye first the kingdom of god and it’s righteousness–– let’s repent.

This is a good advice but is it written at the right place? I rhetoric –– and somebody, also to advice wrote

Stop wiping your asses on the wall, buy T-ROLL

Who could this be? I surmise you would ask. That is a student, a student of the university of Graffiti. Driving my eyes from that turning point to concentrate on “wiping my ass” with my T-ROLL, they embraced a long stream of upper cased fonts that boldly read

INDEED THERE ARE BAD NUTS AMONG US AND I BET YOU THE SPIRIT OF THE DEVIL HAS AND IS STILL USING THEM. LET’S PRAY SO THAT HE WILL NOT GET LOST IN SATAN’S AS THE DAY IS APPEARING READ REVELATION.

WHOM is this sanctimonious author referring to? The truth is, he is referring to a nude and profane drawing on the wall of that can which I can’t draw nor paint.

Pulling up my underwear, I saw another battalion of words:

Please you come here to learn not to write on the wall. Please consiter on your book and stop writing on the wall. plese Day buy the pent with money not Stan. So plese and plese agai stop writing no the wall for Today going plese. by Mr. OBOMSUO. Good bye your swetheart. OBOMSUO

Can you believe this ? anyway, as if they are Mr. Ayeboafo. They instantaneously did their editing. Just read their comments.

How on earth did you pass your English to come to legon or are you a product of apo? You don’t seem to make sense when you write, coupled with the fact that you commit grammatical suicide.

I kept quiet to read somebody’s reply to Mr. Editor

Fool he pass his exams English at your mothers school.

This statement is too blunt and uncivilised, you would agree with me. But another editor had this to say:

Back door student, your place is to sell dog chains.

Ladies and gentlemen, don’t you think Mr. OBOMSUO should go back to the senior secondary school? Anyway,  You decide.

I thought that was the end of my reading expedition, but some soaked politicians or should I say political enthusiasts, couldn’t resist the opportunity of contributing their quota, to the graffiti’s already displayed on the moaning wall.

Only ashantis are NPP’S

Somebody wrote.

NPP will fall

Another wrote

NDC all the way

The next added

No osono, no akatamanso

The last I saw

Quickly I stood up, Gently, zipped my pant, buttoned it, locked my belt, Got to the sink, washed my hands.I quickly turned the knob, opened the door and and got out of the lavatory. In fact, I just couldn’t stop thinking about the sorrowful fun I had had in the can.

I got to the exit, went through security check, got out of the library, and oh! My God! What a mistake?

To be continued…

UNIVERSITY OF GRAFFITI – Part 1

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